I was in a really good mood.  Until my mom got home from back to school night.  Why am I such a fucking failure?  Just because statistically the younger sibling is supposed to suck at life, doesn't mean I had to justify it.  I'm smart.  I'm a freaking intelligent person and if I tried as hard as half the other kids in my grade I would be getting fucking straight A's for the rest of my life.  So why don't I try?  Why am I completely INCAPABLE of doing as well as I should in classes and completing assignments?!  My parents make me want to fucking kill myself.  I make me want to kill myself, but their added comments and let's just add this -- the fact they THEY are retarded and I'm about 1000 times smarter than them feels like dropping an anvil on a person who's in the process of shooting themselves in the head.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I feel like screaming and shouting and breaking things.  I feel like yelling "I'M NOT OKAY. I AM NOT FUCKING ALL RIGHT," because really, I'm not.  My mom is a miserable piece of shit and all she ever does is complain.  I can't take it anymore.  I'm supposed to be the teenager.  I'm the one who gets to complain and bitch and moan all the time. ME.  I hate her.  She doesn't work, she doesn't go out, she won't drive me anywhere anymore.  All she does is fucking sit around feeling sorry for herself.  PEOPLE GET SICK. IT HAPPENS.  But she doesn't want to distract herself or help herself and keeps blah blah blahing about how "no one understands" and it "isn't in her head."  Sometimes I wish she would just go away.  I don't care where, just anywhere but near me.  And my dad- my INSANELY hypocritical dad.  I know it just KILLS him that I'm not playing soccer.  WELL YOU KNO WHAT? YOU WEREN'T ATHLETIC WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER. YOU WOULDN'T HAVE MADE THE SOCCER TEAM. YOU DIDN'T HAVE FRIENDS.  YOU WEREN'T THAT SMART. YOU FUCKING JUST GOT LUCKY AND GOT A JOB THAT MAKES YOU MONEY.  He's so hard on me because JENNA was so perfect.  Well guess what? I'm not Jenna.  I can't beleive you still haven't realized this but WE ARE NOT THE SAME PERSON.  High school was a fucking picnic for Jenna.  The worst thing that has ever happened in her life was not making varsity soccer junior year. BIG FUCKING DEAL.  Maybe that's why I didn't want to try out.  Because it's so depressing how the most traumatic thing to Jenna would be something expected to me.  It just would've been icing on the cake of the hell that is high school.  I WANT TO SCREAM.   He tells me that I don't care and thinks he has me all figured out. WELL GUESS WHAT YOU DON'T. I DO CARE OKAY? I CARE A FUCKING LOT.  I just can't get passionate about anything and I'm always tired and I'm always unhappy and the few brief moments that I am happy for you always fucking rip it right out from under me.  

I HATE YOU.